Home Again!

Hello, Home! =)

Away From Home

Sad and angry as I may be... God is doing favors for me. Please, keep me in your prayers. These next few days ought to be QUITE an experience for me! Praise the Lord for family in America, spiritual and physical!

Hmmm

Hello. :)

The Right Time

Perhaps it was because none of us really knew how hard the load would be. Or even the nights filled with long work and hard designing. I mean, when do real editors, writers, designers, and visionaries come so cheaply? 

I guess there truly is a time for everything. A time to prosper and live happily... and a time to kill the dying cat. Just kill it and move on.

Is this how LMMG has become?

Only Lonely

Isn't it weird how loneliness is the most common feeling in the world, and yet; it's NEVER the same with anyone? 

God gave us brothers and sisters... Let's cherish them, one day at a time!

~ I miss working on the magazine with all you guys! I miss Allan, Mike, and Becca's comments about the writings and I miss Jesse's totally chill meetings and writing sessions. I miss sending in EVERYTHING I write and seeing the finished magazine published in full color. I miss Martin's bewildered and surprised looks and the overall just outright weird dynamics of our group. I miss reading everyone's posts and writings...

Whenever ya'll ready again to move forward, I'll be right there with ya'll! :D

Jesse Lee

Of all the blessed people I'd had the honor of knowing and meeting and greeting... none but Jesse Lee had ever really made my eyes open with new curiosity... nor made eyes squint from the glow of childlike awesome-ness the way he did! Who other than the leader of LMMG could bring together and create new ventures unknown and realized before?

Thus, this honorous tribute post goes to our fearlessly fun and exciting leader, the one and only of his unique caliber and stoic optimism... Thank you for loving us all!

You're a H.O.M.P. of the best grade! Good luck on your interview! We ridin' behind you all the way!! Hail, Jesse Lee of greatness unrivaled!

Grace vs. Guilt

So, this was an interesting night.

At Home Team, we discussed the first three chapters in a book about Grace... and every day that I work at the library, I struggle with the giving and receiving of grace.

My direct supervisor does NOT know how to be graceful. Having yelled at me in front of patrons, blamed me, and threatened my job security openly... words of kindness are usually jokes she laughs about later on when she talks to other workers in Tagalog. How very NOT graceful of her, right? 

So, when she or any one of her age group/generation say things to me these days, I find myself feeling guilty for messing up or simply "not knowing" intuitively. They tell me to use "common sense" and all I can do is pull back into my bubble of fear and guilt, working under them as humble, weak, peons. And then, not only that, but now, ANYONE who shows me grace in any way, I feel the guilt first. I feel the disappointment they "must" feel and are "hiding". I sense the utter lowliness of me compared to the higher and nobler them... In short, I feel lower than the dirt they walk on. 

Most times, I am unable to pull myself out of these depressed bouts. I feel suicidal, I read manga, I write stories, I write songs, I read novels, I try to finish Brisingr... (Yes, I'm still on Pg. 435...)... and yet, I have none to comfort me because everyone just decides not to pick up the phone... grr.... 

And then I fall even lower, into the pits of despair, distress, depression, and death... And then I pass the suicidal longing and just sit in one place, numb to all who call out to me...

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me...

Grace. What an amazing thing. Truly, verily, I can honestly say that I know the grace God has on my life. For none punishes me more than my own flesh... and none loves me more than God.

I once was lost, but now am found!

Was blind, but now I see!

Indeed, I see and feel the grace of God every day in my life. And I can't even blame my pessimism and depression, because through my downfalls and weaknesses, the grace of God shines even brighter to me.

I wasn't going to share this with anyone yet... but yesterday I wrote a song called "United"... and here are the words:

Seasons in rotation, Winter to Spring

Life will continue to harbor the future

Let us come together, bringing our gifts

Of knowledge, strength, and art

When we turn to each other

Seeing brothers and sisters

Alive and ready for what is to come

That is my dream, to be

A people united by hope and not despair

A body of peoples coming together

For all the world to see

Generations of worn souls, linking together

Seeing miracles from impossibilities

When we turn to the others

Seeing distant loved ones instead of age old enemies

With the bones of our forefathers; our foundation of faith

We can become a greater force

A nation united by peace and not war

The storms that break and churn the seas

Will be quite waters before the gathered hearts

A love unknown will spread through these

Willing to take the stand

A people, a nation, with pulsing hearts

With hope, peace, and faith

Coming together to rebuild a fallen world

With a common spirit will create

A world united by love and not hate

And I think to myself;

What a wonderful world it would be...

And I think to myself,

What a wonderful world

-- Simple Words... Maranatha!