a word on rain

I love on-again and off-again showers on rainy days. God is in charge. These days make everything more exciting, alive, poignant. I love hearing the rain stop and then hearing it start again. I realize that my focus changes for that day. My appreciation for what I have changes as the weather changes moment by moment. I’m amazed at how beautiful everything seems. All the things that are not eternal are constantly washed away on rainy days. Constantly washed away. Just how it is on the grand scale with our lives. In one day, I go through different emotions and feelings, just to look back upon it all at the end of the day and realize that I’m still here and I’m still alive. That rainy day allows me to see how change is only change to things that can be changed. Although so much of who we are and what we do can be changed, we could, in moments of change, choose to remain steadfast in loving and serving our Lord. And so it is that the rainy days show me God’s faithfulness and promise. I haven’t experienced what Noah went through in the day of yore, but a rainy day does bring me new perspective, new appreciation, and a renewed sense of hope.

A word on rainbows — That rainbow meant something to Noah. I like to think that it’s because of all he went through. It’s everything he went through that instilled the value of the rainbow and its significance. What a beautiful way to remind us that He is faithful and we are to trust in Him. I understand that beautiful reminders are needed every now and then. I once heard a pastor say something about rainbows and refraction. At that time, I thought that that poor Asian pastor meant reflection. I now know what he was talking about. Look at the refracted pieces to see evidence of God’s grace and faithfulness in our broken pasts. We live this life with too little reflection. Our Lord continually calls us to remember. Remember so that you will once again come, taste and see that the Lord is good.

AND THE WONDER OF IT ALL

X-POSTED FROM MY BLOG:  http://indigostain.blogspot.com

I embedded the song above for ambiance' sake (especially from minute marker 2:31 and on), so just click play and let the song wash over you like you're sleeping buried to your neck at the beach during low tide.

Driving home with my brother after spending an afternoon at Bin Bin Konjac just fooling around on the internets and with friends, I was coming home for a family dinner and Coldplay - Fix You was playing. Right when we were a couple blocks away from home, the song was hitting its peak/bridge (2:31 & on), and there was just the most perfect post-rain sunset overlooking the hillside my street winds around. It was breathtaking. I quickly pulled the car over at the nearest side street, and we both trekked onto the hill, looking for the perfect shot. Not sure I found it, and my noobzilla photog skills did not do the moment justice. I hope you can somewhat enjoy it with me.

Our God Reigns.

FAMILY BUSINESS

The happiest day of my mom's life, according to her.

"Beautiful time with beautiful people".  A day full of "mymomisafob.com"-isms and random acts of silliness, but family's family and that's how God made it.  Cheers.

RESTORE THE FAMILY.

Nickel and Dime

I feel like I cheat out on God a lot. I know it's probably a feeling true to a lot of us, but I really do feel like I do it too much. I look around me and I have no excuse not to give all I am to Him. But that's the hard part, giving it all. It's easy for me to ask Him to direct me towards a career and then ditch my devotions the moment finals come around. I've asked him to revive lux mundi, but then forget that any kind of revival starts with my own heart. I pray nightly for Him to use me to bring the gospel to my brother and my dad but when I'm sitting alone in a car ride with them..silence. I praise Him for the winter break but then open His word only a quarter of the time that I had hoped to. Gosh, I would've given up on me already.

But that's the beautiful thing about our Father isn't it?

"What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every one were a liar.." Rom 3:3-4

So here I am still. Unfaithful though He is faithful. Hoping to remember Him at all times. Praying for a change in my heart. Waiting for the opportunity to be bold.

Studerly Thoughts (warning: might be conscious streamy)

It's 1:30am, and I'm about to go to bed. Ah, the life of a student!

Hehe, Becca, I love you! And I just wanted to publicly say thanks again, for taking that extra time and effort to make my sick week more bearable.

On that note, in the last two days, I've been clearing out my bedroom of old things, useless things, memorable things that I no longer need tangible reminders of... all in the spirit of my parents relocating to the Homeland, and moving my stuff to another room, so they can rent it out while they're gone. That aside, I threw away hordes of old letters, sad to see them go, but happy to know that those don't quantify my relationships and the quality of them.

Going back to the point, one of Becca's letters to me started with "Tomorrow is my last first day of college!"

And this is where I am now.

With one quarter left and a whole life ahead, I'm starting to wonder less about what I'll be doing, and more about who I'm becoming, and who I'm leaving behind. I feel like I've come to the point where it's not so much about discovering a passion, or accomplishing something totally amazing. I just want to be that person who's done her duty, but not because it was her duty; just because she loved to.

So that brings me to the question what is my duty? I know the Sunday School answer lies in maybe 3 Bible verses. One about loving God with all our heart, mind, soul, strength. One about loving my neighbor as myself. One about making disciples of all nations and baptizing them.

But I now stand at a place where I'm trying to incorporate my identity, my personality, my character into these commissions. The Bible doesn't talk about what classes to take in college. It doesn't talk about how long you should be dating, or engaged, or when you should get married. It doesn't talk about how to bake a pretty cake. It doesn't talk about wanting to learn how to take beautiful photographs.

I know, I know. These things aren't significant in light of Jesus and what He's done for us.

But aren't they?

I'm not saying they should take higher priority than our faith. Just that there was a purpose in God creating me this way. Maybe if I were a post on a blog, the title could be "Christian," and the tags would be little things that aren't singularly unique to me, but as a combination make me different from every other post.

I guess this whole thing has been a statement about how I know and believe that our highest calling is an eternal one. BUT, there are more dimensions to us than our faith, and they're important too. I just don't know where to put them in line with those few things that I know I should be.

I feel like that blank box when you first start a post. What's going in it? How long will it be? Who will read it? Who will enjoy it? Who won't enjoy it? What will make it unlike the others? Will it have made a difference in the end?

NANASHI

I’ve been feeling particularly introverted this winter break. It’s probably because I’ve been thinking, over thinking, and not praying, over praying. My mind has been acting bipolar – up and down, this way and that way – pondering thoughts about life, the future, media and God within (or not as within as it should be) it all. And do I have any definitive conclusions? Any amazing epiphanies about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? No, definitely not. My mind is a smorgasbord of intersecting, parallel and individual trains of thought and I can’t seem to fit everything together. Therefore, in an attempt to understand myself and glean any God-given gems of thought from my brain, I will try to find order in this madness by writing out my thoughts in digital blog form. Its almost therapeutic!Because of my good friends Benjamin Button and Makoto Shinkai (the writer/director responsible for the image above), a good amount of my free time has been used self-reflexively pondering the nature of our lives. Life is in spurts, some longer than others, some happening the way you expect and some not, some impactful, some not as much, but all…interesting and God-willed. There are a jillion people out there in the world, all with different problems, situations, emotional states, and dreams, and maybe you only know of a thousand of them. You laughed with some, you played on a team with some, you are related to some, you went to church with some – and at this moment you have a different relationship with each individual person you have ever known. It’s always awkward to run into that person you once knew a long time ago because sometime or another you have gone on different paths in life. So many people, but as of now you know so little of them. And at one time or another you may be reunited with some and separated from others for a time or…forever? You, them and everyone moves on. Therefore, there isn’t much use in being nostalgic. At some time in the future you will move on from the people you know now and all you will have is how they (or God through them) have changed you during that part of your life. People die (especially if you’re Mr. Button) and people change – including yourself. It’s sad but you aren’t the same as you were back then so you won’t have the relationships you had back then ever again. “Don’t wish for the impossible because you will only get hurt.”
So do I just forget the past and live in the present but fixate on the future? Maybe. Why is it that certain people are in your life only for a specific amount of time? Is it “fate,” “a force of nature” or some deeper unconscious within your own self that determines what happens? I find that most people are existentialist and hedonists; their goal in life is to create for themselves happiness and pleasure. Wow, that’s almost selfish. When one tries to understand life it seems so obscure, so intangible, so blurry. I can put definitions on the inner workings of the mind and consider every transcendental thought theory out there, but in the end it doesn’t capture the complexity of reality. There must be more. Life can’t be just random entropy…guided by…something?
And at this point I remember. Yes. God. God. God. He brings order to chaos and understanding to confusion. He gives tangibility to the intangible and makes life more than just happenstances. It is submission to His hand and His will that quells my ADD mind. Its liberating when you realize that your life – with all its regrets and “what ifs” – is of great concern to the most powerful (and most humble) being/human/Spirit ever.
Good to know. But descending from the clouds of theory and understanding and stepping foot into reality is slightly more difficult. I’m a film studies major and English minor. I’m a realist (ISTP) but at the same time I am a dreamer who believes in the power of God to change people’s lives. More and more I believe in the ability to communicate through film art. I’m easily fascinated by good stories, relatable characters and beautiful images. I love films (or animes haha) with depth, purpose and meaning. When I watch something I want to be challenged in my life or my perceptions; I want to think, to reflect, to view or value or consider things differently than before. I want to be communicated more than just the superficial images, and resultantly that has become my goal in my own work. Create for me a complete world with relatable emotional nuances and hidden commentary and more likely than not I’ll enjoy it.
It’s interesting that although many of the films I love are made by a secular industry they seemingly condone Christian ideals and biblical principles. Krzysztof Kieslowski’s “Trois Couleurs Trilogy,” which is comprised of the films Trois Couleurs: Bleu, Trois Couleurs: Blanc and Trois Couleurs: Rouge (pictured above), were made to bring attention to the ideas represented in the French flag – respectively – liberty, equality and fraternity. Many other impactful films such as Umberto D., The Killing Fields and Blood Diamond were made to bring social awareness to the neglected and unfortunate. And in countless other films human emotions are brought to the forefront in order to garner a greater respect for and further understanding of life, humanity and the people around us. However, in all these films, no matter how esteemed they are, they do not mention a motivation for the “goodness” that is uplifted. And once again the same old explanations come up: “it may be ‘fate,’ ‘conscience,’ ‘love’ or an ethereal ‘force’ that drives the good within humanity.” And ultimately these films promote ideals established by “something-that-can’t-quite-be-pinpointed” rather than our Savoir, Jesus Christ.
As for myself I like to make social realism art films with a hint of the eternal. A lofty goal but my goal nonetheless. I want to steer people towards Christ with my films. Films already encourage people to lead a morally good and meaningful life, so why not point people towards the reason for it all – JESUS. Easily said, but not easily realized and practiced. How am I going to make money? What am I going to do after I graduate? The film industry is particularly secular and particularly adverse to Christian “conservatism.” I really don’t know. I’m worried but that act alone contradicts my aforementioned realizations. Yes, God. Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding, your life is in His trustworthy hands. Don’t think, pray.
So let’s wrap this up, tie it all together and put it in God’s hands.
Humanity is lost. Life is indeed full of comings and goings, meetings and departures. But what is its purpose? Is there anything to live for beyond what can be grasped with my own hand? In Masaaki Yuasa and Robin Nishi’s film Mind Game (a very strange experimental hallucinogenic art film – pictured above), the main character cries out in desperation when they are trapped in a whale’s stomach:

“Cos there’s so much out there, so many different people, living different lives – incredibly good guys, bad guys! Folks completely different from us! It's one huge melting pot! See, it's not about success, dying in the streets, who’s better, who's not! I just want to be part of it! I realize that even if I've no connections, no talent, even if I'm one big loser, I want to use my hands and feet to think and move, to shape my own life!”

In a situation strikingly (or purposefully?) similar to Jonah, the characters turn to themselves, to humanity, rather than to God – the shaper and creator of all things. The majority of people believe that our existence is created solely by our own hands; people create their own meaning in life, and the majority of the time that meaning is aligned with monetary success, pleasure and happiness. It’s sad but true. Furthermore, numerous other films (many of which I look up to) perpetuate this idea and others. Your life is determined by your own actions. True love and happiness is your purpose in life. Fate and destiny will put you where you need to be. Be kind and understanding to everyone because you never know what people are going through. How we treat one another will determine the state of humankind. All humans need love, hope and relationship. These ideas encourage and motivate us; they cause a tingle in our heart and spark enduring thoughts in our minds. But why? Because every one of these themes, in one way or another, have the fingerprint of God. Our purpose in life is to become more like Christ and lead others to know Him. If we submit to Him, He is the One who will determine our lives. God is love, Jesus is our hope and happiness is found in doing God’s work and seeing people grow in their relationship with God. In order to be like Christ we love those who are difficult to love because that is how God loves us. And by getting people to know Jesus humanity is unified and the problems of this world are solved. Hmm, it seems that the reason films influence us is because they glorify blurred and partial guises of the implications of Christianity. After all, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17).

So that’s my vision – to put God wholly into films. Christian ideals have always taken a backseat in secular films, but I hope to use film as a gateway for people to realize Jesus. And in doing so I will solidify God, not ourselves or some other “entity,” as the driving force of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

A little thing I got from a musical

The long awaited date to watch the widely acclaimed musical, “Wicked,” finally came. I remember almost exactly a year ago, a couple of friends from HOC planned to go watch “Wicked,” and I intended on going along with them. However, due to some unforeseen events, I was unable to go. Now that has all changed, I finally get to seize the opportunity to watch the musical with Tiffany Chai and others. I’m sure most of you know that green plus Tiffany Chai equals bunches of squeals and giggles.
As I entered the Pantages Theater, I was planning to admire the architect of the building and the decorations; sadly, I wasn't able to. We were a bit late and we couldn’t miss one second of the musical. As the entire ceiling lights began to pulsate to notify the audience that the play is about to begin, all of us rushed into the theater and made it just in time for the beginning of the first act.
 
“You know what? I have changed, and to show my dedication I will change my name from Galinda to Glenda!”
 
To inform the people that forgotten about the musical or those who have not seen the musical at all, one of the main characters decides to turn over a new leaf. Galinda (I hope I spelled it right) decides to change her name and start afresh on doing good deeds and helping others. The audience laughed awhile the other characters in the play stared at her awkwardly. As if changing your name will make a difference to your stupidity and the forces of fate for your life. Fiyero will forever be with Elphaba and there is nothing you can do about! Er-hm, I lost myself a bit there.

Revelation 2:17
            “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” 
 
I just came back from HOC’s First Service retreat, “Second Nature,” and Pastor Rand Cho preached about getting in tune to the “Second Nature,” or Christ’s nature, in our lives. The White Stone represents an invitation in Jewish traditional weddings. The invitation of a white stone is given to each person with his or her name carved on the stone, and the people who attend the wedding will enter by showing the white stone as a valid certificate. Another representation of the white stone was used in ancient times of a court ruling system. The white stone represents innocent and the black stone represents guilty to the person under trial.
 
God emphasizes a huge importance on names. In fact, one of the Ten Commandments does not allow anyone to misuse His very own name. The whole principle of names is to refer to the person’s identity. The name represents the perception of the individual. One of the kids that came to the retreat, named Junming, was acting weird to say the least. (I can write another entire blog about this little bundle of blessing, but I’ll save your sore eyes from making this blog even longer.) I view him as if he was my very own little brother and I care for him very dearly. However, one annoy thing he does is to greet you consecutively in every 10 minute intervals.
 
“How was your day? What is your name again? How are you doing?”
 
At first, it was very admirable, but it slowly began to be very pestering. Throughout the retreat he began to give names to each person, especially the leaders. Andy became Ally. Dennis became Dentist, and Chester became Chesthair. It was a great laugh, but names refer to one’s identity. And there is only so far you can go with name calling, and to say the least, the punishment was justly served. Haha!
 
If you just skipped reading this whole blog, the main point is this:
Once we are saved in our Lord’s name, He will give us a new name. Why, you ask? Why not our own old name? Why not keep the same name?
 
It is because our old name falls short of God’s glory. Our old name is insufficient to meet the threshold of God’s perfect standard. The perfect God sees the imperfection and gives you a “new name”
 
Let us rejoice, for we are shown innocent in trial, and we are cordially invited to His wedding, your wedding, my wedding, the unification of the Groom and the bride.
He has altered the fate of our lives of deserving punishment, and given us new names and eternal life
"The beauty of Grace is that it makes life not fair."
 
Oh yeah, Happy New Years Lux Mundi! 

TALENT FTW

Sometimes God just creates people to win at life.  Larry is one of them.  This kid is next in line.

Hope

While I was on facebook, I stumbled across this video documentary made by two co-workers of mine. As soon as I clicked upon the link, I knew exactly what it was going to be about. More than once, the thought flashed through my mind to close the box and go back to checking news feeds and status updates, simply because I knew it was going to be uncomfortable. But for some reason, I couldn't. This interview, and Tim's perspective, reflects a lot of what I believe the outside world thinks about Christianity and those who don the responsibility of bearing His name, as well as the need for the followers of Christ to be equipped and step up.

It takes a lot more than just professing Him as our Lord. That is simply the start. It takes an adherence to the Word, submission in one's mind and a yearning to take action. Christ has to saturate our every thought, encapsulate our every word, engulf us until there is nothing of ourselves left. Honestly, Christians don't need encouragement as much as they need to know the weight of eternity, the glory of the gospel, and the hope of His calling.

Far too often, I find myself taking the easy way out, hanging out with Christian homies and doing the same old stuff while there is a world of Tims out there, a world of people crying for hope, a world that wants to believe in SOMETHING, ANYTHING. This is the REALITY of the situation. 

But of course, we can't see that if we're in our Christian bubbles professing our piety to each other.

Is there anybody out there willing to tell them about the hope that is in Christ?

Even more so, willing to show them?

Chapterize Me

Have you guys ever heard of that analogy about life being a book and we the words the author, God, is writing out? Well, I LOVE that analogy. Even as I listen to "Breath of Heaven", the perfect combination of beauty in pain, I am still in awe of all God has created. Think about it; EVERYTHING is made by God for us. To completely surrender my everything seems too less of an offering... but He wants it all.

Who am I that God, the Almighty Creator of the universe, should even bother with me? And yet, I am always on His mind. He is always with me. The President of the U.S. and the Governor doesn't even listen to me, and yet the one above them does. 

Praise the Lord for He is Good. Just thinking of Him makes me want to cry in pure shame. 

"It is well, it is well, with my soul..."

~ Merry Christmas Eve, all!