God of This City

I've been listening to this song a lot recently. The first time I heard it I could almost feel God's hands tugging on my heart as if to say "I'm still working. You need to keep working too." Anyways, I found out that Chris Tomlin wasn't the original song writer and that it was actually written by this Irish band name Bluetree. They work on "The Stand" (coincidence?) project with Martin Smith and a few other artists. Anyways, here's the story behind the song. I read it and was hit a second time but on a totally different level. Taken from their blog:

"Nov 2006, Bluetree are heading out to Pattaya Thailand to participate in an event arranged by Belfast missionaries living in Pattaya, Thailand called Pattaya Praise. We’ve no expectation of the event; we were just looking for an opportunity to serve somehow.

We didn’t know much about it before we left, but Pattaya is a dark place. It’s a small seaside town notorious for it’s sex trade. Throughout our time there we heard countless stories of girls who are bought from their parents for a price, sold to the sex industry at ages as young as 5 years old. Arriving in Pattaya the spiritual climate seems to change, it’s hard to define, but there is a very tangible change. On the bus journey in we’d been our usual cheery selves, but entering Pattaya at 10am and turning on to a street lined by girls ready for business, the bus became very quiet. We’re in total shock. It’s a sunny day but it’s incredible how dark it feels.

‘Walking street’ we learn is the epicentre of the sex trade in Pattaya, it’s about a mile long and at night springs to life with neon signs. Thai people are generally conservative in their dress sense — it’s generally considered provocative to bare your shoulders. But on their street the girls are wearing very little, and offering anything you can imagine for a price. It’s easy to look around with human eyes, see the depravity and get angry. You see older men walking hand-in-hand with young girls — as a daddy, that’s hard to take in. It’s easy to get angry, it’s easy to judge — but that’s not our job, so we grit our teeth.

We were in Pattaya to be part of a praise event not far from this street, the soul purpose of which was to worship and show God’s light in a dark place. We wanted to play more than the scheduled slots while we were there, so we found out that one of the bar owners would let us play a worship set in her bar on the proviso that we brought as many from the missions team who would buy coke-a-cola all night. We walk in to the bar which is about the middle of walking street, girls are lined up on the stairs waiting for business. We get set up, we’re really nervous and quite uncomfortable but we kick in to a familiar beat of worship and soon it’s ok. God starts to speak and we started to move in to this spontaneous song. The truth is when you worship in a place, you start to see God’s heart for that place. What would God say to a place like this?

Amidst the depravity God say’s, I’m the God of this City, I’m the King of these people and Greater Thing are Yet to Come, Greater Things are Still to be Done HERE. The song wasn’t written before that night, but we came out of the bar having worshipped with the song that is now the title track of our album — God of this City (Greater things). The song isn’t just for Pattaya — it’s for your city, and it’s true. By faith we must expect that greater things are still to be done."

Why?

I've heard so many people ask me "Why?" questions, and I find it difficult to communicate my reasons. So let me blurt it out here.

I don't do what I do for power, pride, nor recognition. I don't do it for the "oohs" and the "aahs". I don't do it for the money, though it is a definite plus. I don't do it for the honing, though it's a DEFINITE plus. I don't do it because of the commitment or the advertisement... blah blah blah.

I do it for the laughter and warmth it brings. I do it for the joy and love it spreads. I do it for the peace of mind and tears of memories within each who views it. I'm not a pro, but I do it because I WANT to. I have a passion to do it. So... I do it. 

And... though I could pick out mistakes I've made after viewing its completed form... I don't regret making it. I do it because I love doing it, and it brings me joy, comfort, happiness, and a sense of completion in my life. I do it because I can do it. And, I do it because I love Jesus.

Please, be of the few that know of my "doings" and share my creation with me.

A&L Wedding Teaser Dec. 2008 from Tiff Chai on Vimeo.

EVERY GOOD AND PERFECT GIFT

COMES FROM THE FATHER OF LIGHTS

GOD BLESS KOREA

D.O.T.

. 

^

A dot. A period. A mistake. The end. As sign of completion. A punctuation. One. Single. A lone mark. Depressed. Desolate. Uncertainty. Bold confidence. A point. A hole. Sharp, small, poke.A loud statement. A polar bear's nose in a blizzard. Part of a design. A statement of positivity. A cry for help. Sand. Confetti. The dot of a lowercase I. An unintentional circle. A circle. A shape. Math homework. The beginning of a line. A line from another angle. A rod. A pipe. A column. Art. An O. A very small O. Rain drop as seen from below. A bear's tail. A rabbit's eye. A human iris. A coin. Money. Cosmetics. Compact. Foundation powder. Powdered sugar grain. Color wheel spinning fast from a distance. Distant. Far. The hub of a wheel. Someone in a poodle dress spinning as seen from above. An insect. A rolly polly rolled up. Part of a 6 or 9 or 8. A decimal. A value. A result. A pie. A cake. A line. Whole. A bump. A cup bottom. A barrel bottom. A ring. A ball. A telescope. The World as seen from space. The moon. The sun. The stars. The planets. A keychain. 2 halves. A wheel. A pixel. A tunnel. A musical note without the stick part of it. A lens. A point on a line graph. A point on a line. An earring. A watch/clock face. Soloist in a band performance, estranged from the rest of the band. Standing out. A marble. Belly button. Button. A bowl. A bowling ball. Dirty. Connection. Weak. [Shortened to save space.]

D.O.T. = Don't Over Think. 

K.I.S.S. = KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY

R.R.R. = Recycle, Reduce, Reuse! Think green! 

=) And don't forget to smile!

Winter Cleaning

Instead of enjoying a long 3 day weekend, I decided to be productive and clean my house in irvine. I had goals to clean up my entire room, vacuum it and the stairs, clean the sinks and shower, clean up downstairs, and most importantly clean under the stairs.

If you've been to 17 Ash Tree Ln. you know how dirty it is under the stairs. It's because the front door opens right to the stairs so a lot of dust just collects under the stairs. So while I was cleaning I had this epiphany. What I really love is experiencing or learning something new about God in really ordinary routine things. God is in everyday experiences that everyone has and will experience, just by living their lives. It reminds me of this one book I remember I came across, God is in the Small Things. (I have never read it though).

So what I came across was this, that as I am on my knees using paper towels and a bottle of Clorox to wipe down under the stairs, I cannot feel anything but extreme levels of disgust. "Yo, this is freakin' gross." White paper towels turn black in one wipe with a bunch of furry gunk. I pile up all of the dirt into one small area and right in the middle is a penny. At first I thought that it was way too dirty to even have worth, but then I realized with today's economy, every cent counts. Maybe this penny will go towards the Kingdom of God somehow. Anyways, this is where I realized even a possibility of a holy God to be in front of such dirty sin. How disgusted would He feel, how uncomfortable would it be. My simple task of wiping dirt already gets me to say, "Yo, I ain't down for this mess." But it is partially MY mess. So then what does the holy God do? He cleans the mess up, as disgusted as He is. He humbles himself and does it with the right heart. So many times I would come back to a completely messed up room after I cleaned it up realizing that I need to pick up after people again and think, "WHAT THE FREAK!? ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS AIN'T MY MESS MAN." It was never His mess to begin with. It was always ours, yet He did it ALL and we contributed nothing.

Every now and then I am reminded that when we say, "Jesus died on the cross for everyone's sin, even mine," we must not overlook the faces in the crowd that were mocking Him, condemning Him, shouting, "Crucify, Crucify Him!" For those are OUR faces. Yes it was 33 AD, yes it was the Jews of the time in Israel, and yes you weren't there yet, BUT you and I put Him there. Get your act together and let Him clean your life up, cuz this mess is spiritual, its far bigger and deeper than you think, truthfully it's like you're bringing a toothbrush to a landfill. Wrap your mind around that!

a not-so-pleasant surprise.

tonight, i thought i had appendicitis. apparently it was mittelschmerz, a.k.a. ovulation of DEATH. went to the ER; doctor said i should be fine. i cannot begin to describe how painful it was. couldn't walk, could barely talk, could barely breathe.

just got back home. dead tired, from losing sleep and fighting the worst physical fight of my life to date. but what i got out of this whole thing was a solid and heartwarming assurance that my family is so dear to me, and that i am so dear to my family.

all thanks and glory be to the God who sent me the shooting star thrice a night ago.

a pleasant surprise.

thursday night, i took just two seconds to admire the night sky before stepping into the car to go home. and in the last moment of those two seconds, i saw a most unexpected shooting star. perhaps the brightest i'd ever seen. on just a normal night, when i was hoping for nothing more than the usual. it was almost as if i heard Him whisper, "for you. just because I love you."

Praise the Lord

Dateline: Miracle on the Hudson

I just finished watching that.

Praise the Lord.

I like it when there's something positive in the media. I just thought that this event was big enough for me to post about.

All I wanted to say was Praise the Lord. =)

Greetings from the Land of Wheels!

It is late at night and I had an epiphany. "An epiphany for Tiffany" as Becca so nicely put it. And what, might this epiphany be, you ask? Well, tonight, I realized that, for the longest time, I've been doing ALL I COULD to make a tricycle run smoothly, but, in reality, I was never more than a unicycle pedaling alongside a bicycle. And, as we all know, a unicycle really can't keep up with a bicycle for many structural and design purposes. ... If you didn't know, now you do.

Perhaps, had the bicycle simply told the unicycle the truth; that the bicycle was a bicycle and could NEVER become a tricycle just because a unicycle was pedaling alongside, desperately to keep up, then the unicycle could have realized the truth, been hurt at first, and then stopped wasting its time on what couldn't be and focus on what could be. 

But, ah, at long last, THIS unicycle has realized the truth after five years of being lied to and, "I don't want to tell her to not hurt her feelings". The truth has cleared up my five years of groggy confusion and clicked everything into place. A moment of silence please to mourn the loss of my wasted time and energy, long gone. ... I, now, look forward to an open road of wild game as (TADA) The Lone Unicycle. (Please imagine it said in a deep voice, like Josh Turner's singing voice. SWOON!) ... "Don't be afraid... just don't lie to me."

Moral of my epiphany: ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH. 

Explanation: Though it may hurt at first when the truth is told, the tumultuous level of pain one [ongoing] lie will cause when revealed in the future (i.e. five years later) is infinitely greater and more devastating to any unicycles if a bicycle is involved. So, even if you're unsure, JUST SAY SO. Don't lie and say "No"... if it's there, ADMIT IT so we can all move on. It's called being a friend/brother/sister; honest and human. Yes, the combination is possible though rarely seen. 

Advertisement: For a viewing of such honest and human combinations, look into the eyes of the CEO of "The Stand Magazine" and behold its beauty! Just suffer the raw truth because you'll be rejoicing later.

***

This message was made possible by BLOGGER.com and READERS like you. To learn more about the writer and how you can save the unicycles, please visit www.luxmundimedia.com, or contact your local God for more information.

"KEEP MOVING FORWARD"

I promise to condense this post as much as possible! =) *WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!*

I finally watched a movie I had longed to watch for SUCH a long time... Which was, "Meet the Robinsons". Let me just say, it has changed my views QUITE a bit on life. My heart really went out to the villainous "Bowler Hat Guy", the older, creepier, Mike (Goob). 

Who later became:

Like all humans, I found it easier to blame my surroundings and other people for my shortcomings and it really burned me up. A few years ago, it boiled over and nearly killed me. I'm sure that, had a hat come to offer me evilness to take my revenge on God, I would have gladly and lovingly accepted the deal and partnership. And, with the life I lived, it would have been easy to be a villain... but, the way Goob is saved in the end by Louis is only something that God's vessel could do for me. And with such a beautiful ending, my hope in my future has been restored.

FAVORITE SCENE: When Louis failed to fix the PB&J shooter, and it spattered EVERYONE in the room... their reaction was something that made me cry. They cheered. According to Billy, you learn from your failures, not so much from your successes... and from there, you can only keep moving forward! THAT was special for both me and Louis, because our mistakes, always felt discouraged and haunted our every turn on the path of life... but because of the encouraging family, we can KEEP MOVING FORWARD and learn from our mistakes... 

And then I realized, all great inventions in history started with a mistake on man's part, which was later seen as divine intervention from God. Praise the Lord humans are not in control of the future!

*Yes, I was a bit scatter-minded on this post, but I hoped you get what I'm saying!!*

I made a mistake

I accidentally went to sleep at 6:30 p.m.
I accidentally overslept.
I accidentally woke up at 1:30 a.m.
I accidentally threw off my whole schedule.

In reality, it wasn't an accident at all.

What did I expect?

I was lying in bed using my computer. Actually, now that I think about it, I had decided to close my eyes for awhile...while lying in bed! Hm...

I've got to think more carefully before I decide to do things that seem like no big deal.

Because this sure makes a big deal now!

At 1:38 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, I come face to face with our Lord's goodness and grace for silly human beings who make silly decisions...which, in turn, sets off consequences that may reverberate through more factors than the silly human beings know. But God gives more grace.

Wow.

That's about all I can handle at this hour in the morning.

Now, I will intentionally go back to sleep. And tomorrow morning, I will open my eyes, knowing that God is just as good and gracious then as He is in this very moment.

I love my Lord and Savior.

FAMILY BUSINESS

The happiest day of my mom's life, according to her.

"Beautiful time with beautiful people".  A day full of "mymomisafob.com"-isms and random acts of silliness, but family's family and that's how God made it.  Cheers.

RESTORE THE FAMILY.

"before the throne of God above"

I must admit, last night at the Older-People's-Group-Revival-Event (OPGRE for short), I was a disappointment. When asked to share about where I was, personally, with God, I ended up blurting about a million things I hadn't much intentions about sharing. I suppose, that is a good thing as well as a bad thing, a double edged sword that cut my hand when I attempted to sheath the blade.

It was good because I was able to happily and relaxedly speak of what my hopes and wishes for the near future. I kept it under control and didn't talk too much, I hope. And I was able to lighten the mood a bit and keep things deep, yet not so deep that I was bleeding before the others. ... On the other hand, I didn't really say how I could be able to help, nor where my goals and direction lay when it came to the OPGRE. And so, I will sayit now, as a way of compensating for my serious lack of intimacy the night before when it was more necessary, though I felt it necessary for all who laid eyes on this blog to read it too... because it is who and what I am.

I dream of inspiring the world.

Sounds general? Well, then call me general. =) And I will call you soldier. Haha... nah, I'll explain myself. The story behind the statement explains it ALL.

When I was younger, I was never told that I can be anything I wanted to be. I was never told that dreams could come true. I was never told that, through hard work and prayer and faith, anything is possible. I was told that God has a plan and whatever happens, it will be by His devine will. That was all I was allowed to think, know, and understand. And thus, I grew up in a heavily sheltered environment. And that, and other stuff, led to my break down and caused me to turn rebellious. And after that whole lot of rock-music, head-banging, fantasy-fanatic stage of life, on the verge of a permanent stay from a one-way ticket to hell... the God I had heard so much and knew so little spoke the very words that moved me into my present way of life. He told me to dream. He wanted me to dream. He would make my dreams come true, because He will give me dreams. And how excited was I? Not very. My history of dreaming was not great...

When I was seven years old, for 5 years, every night, I had the same dream. And when I was 12, it happened. Just a coincidence, right? Sure, in the non-Christian's eyes, it's nothing important. But for the next couple of years, I would dream about people and meet them soon after. THAT is eerie. The point was, all of my dreams, in one way or another, came true. And, at first, I was so afraid to sleep, I would try not to. But then a wise prophesier woman told me to embrace God's gift to me. More specifically, my "God-given joy and dreams". THAT got me sleeping again.

So when in China, I did everything I could to encourage my students to dream, and each person I meet, I always talk about dreaming and reaching for your dreams and that always led into God, the Giver Of Dreams. "It's not because things are difficult that we don't dare; it's because we don't dare that things are difficult."- Sénèque. And I LOVE that quote because it's so very true. Jonah is proof of it, you get what I mean?

Anyways, sorry for dragging this out. But the point is, I want to inspire those who join the group, and others, to reach for their dreams because, from what I've experienced, dreams come true. I put my faith in G.O.D. (^.^)

In all things that we do and say, let it be for furthering the Kingdom of God and encouraging the Body. All else would be a waste of time, energy, and breath; life. Praise the Lord, for He is good.

Direction

Face it. People suck at following directions. 

For the most part, directions and rules are relatively easy to follow, the big ones anyway. But when it comes down to it, we as people definitely don't do as good a job as we should when it comes to following ALL the rules. Especially when following those rules comes at the expense of something we desire, be it material wealth, power, relationships, or comfort.

Why is it so hard for us to follow the rules, especially those set out by God? Often times, I think about Romans 7:15, which says that

15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do

I then make the following excuse for my actions: "Dude, God made me this way. He knows that I'm going to break rules, so it's cool. Whatever." Something along those lines. However, putting the blame on God for our weakness is also very wrong, not to mention cowardly and juvenile. What then can we do about our renegade thoughts and actions? 

This is the hard part. Obviously, the only way we really can overcome our tendency to fly off the handle is to trust in Christ to grow within us and let Him shine in our lives more and more. To truly die to our sinful desires, that we may have the desires and the mindset of Christ should be our goal, day in, day out. Jesus needs to envelop our thought process, our actions, He needs to be our discipline and our advisor.

Because when we choose not to, trouble usually ensues. 

A Curious thought...

This post all started while i was getting ready to take a shower. I approached Kevin Hsiao, one of my roommates at my Riverside apartment. I peeked over his shoulders to take a look on what he was doing while David Borg and Kevin Hu were watching Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade with surround sound. I try to start some small talk with Kevin, lil kevin as we call him. Suddenly, i noticed his glasses. He had bifocals! I was shocked. "How can you have those glasses?" lil kevin chuckled, "Yeah, I'm growing old fast." We both laughed, "The Curious case of Benjamin Button" i said under my breath.

I stepped into my shower and i started to think about the movie. There was a scene when Benjamin was old and his mother took him to one of those healing crusades in the olden days. They wheeled his old fragile body in front of the preacher. The black preacher had his squad of gospel singers behind him and started as the stereotypical preachy-gospel Christian televangelists. The audience of the movie theater started to laugh. In my mind, i reasoned that the audience's laughter is motivated by their experience with charismatic churches like Todd Bentley and the Florida Revival. As the scene continued, the preacher told Benjamin to stand up! and walk! So he did, and he fell, and everyone gasped. The preacher commanded, "Rise up! Rise up Lazarus! and Walk!" Benjamin did, and he began to walk. Everyone in the revival tent witnessed a miracle and praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

Everyone in the movie theater laughed. Why did they laugh? I thought, as i was washing my hair. They laughed because the quote-unquote miracle was not a miracle at all. Why? Because Benjamin Button was growing younger and so in that time at the tent could be the time where his bones and tendons has strengthened to enable him to walk. So it wasn't a "miracle" at all, it was purely by Benjamin's strength and determination.

But how comical it is! The very reason to dismiss a "miracle" was based upon a fictional story of a man that aged backwards. They reasoned from the very foundation of fantasy and lack of reality to dismiss something that the deemed "miracle" is also, in their knowledge, in fact fictional and fantasy-like as well. The very reason to dismiss God's work is to dismiss the very foundation you will stand upon.

O man, use all your might and all your reason to dismiss God. While the whole time you are fighting Him, He is the one who gave you the talent and tools to fight in the first place.


Or maybe i was just thinking too much :)
God bless

Nickel and Dime

I feel like I cheat out on God a lot. I know it's probably a feeling true to a lot of us, but I really do feel like I do it too much. I look around me and I have no excuse not to give all I am to Him. But that's the hard part, giving it all. It's easy for me to ask Him to direct me towards a career and then ditch my devotions the moment finals come around. I've asked him to revive lux mundi, but then forget that any kind of revival starts with my own heart. I pray nightly for Him to use me to bring the gospel to my brother and my dad but when I'm sitting alone in a car ride with them..silence. I praise Him for the winter break but then open His word only a quarter of the time that I had hoped to. Gosh, I would've given up on me already.

But that's the beautiful thing about our Father isn't it?

"What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every one were a liar.." Rom 3:3-4

So here I am still. Unfaithful though He is faithful. Hoping to remember Him at all times. Praying for a change in my heart. Waiting for the opportunity to be bold.

8:00 AM

As I set my alarm clock for 8am, I find my mind reeling from the fact that I would have to wake up that early. Not only awake, but aware and operational. I sigh as I set it. Suddenly it dawns on me, the same time was set from last quarter. I had to be up at 8 everyday last quarter, an equivalent of 3 months. I am a little surprised. As I leave my seat on my bed to go to the restroom to brush my teeth, I realize it would only be two times a week this quarter. It was certainly doable, far more so than last quarter.

We are capable of much more that we expect.
The funny thing is, God knows that.

Maybe this is the reason God doesn't lay out His grand plan before my eyes for me to scrutinize. Only to have me turn to Him and ask how He could possibly expect me to do this.

Maybe God even likes His element of surprise because He knows that we are capable of doing the very things we deem impossible.

Maybe God knows that until we are faced with a challenge that we cannot complain, manipulate, or pray ourselves out of, we do not truly know what we can do.

Maybe God is always expecting something more from us, something that we do not freely give until we are backed into a corner.

Maybe God knows that because we are His children, we are capable of more than we ourselves could even comprehend.

OR maybe, dare I say it, I am just being optimistic

Studerly Thoughts (warning: might be conscious streamy)

It's 1:30am, and I'm about to go to bed. Ah, the life of a student!

Hehe, Becca, I love you! And I just wanted to publicly say thanks again, for taking that extra time and effort to make my sick week more bearable.

On that note, in the last two days, I've been clearing out my bedroom of old things, useless things, memorable things that I no longer need tangible reminders of... all in the spirit of my parents relocating to the Homeland, and moving my stuff to another room, so they can rent it out while they're gone. That aside, I threw away hordes of old letters, sad to see them go, but happy to know that those don't quantify my relationships and the quality of them.

Going back to the point, one of Becca's letters to me started with "Tomorrow is my last first day of college!"

And this is where I am now.

With one quarter left and a whole life ahead, I'm starting to wonder less about what I'll be doing, and more about who I'm becoming, and who I'm leaving behind. I feel like I've come to the point where it's not so much about discovering a passion, or accomplishing something totally amazing. I just want to be that person who's done her duty, but not because it was her duty; just because she loved to.

So that brings me to the question what is my duty? I know the Sunday School answer lies in maybe 3 Bible verses. One about loving God with all our heart, mind, soul, strength. One about loving my neighbor as myself. One about making disciples of all nations and baptizing them.

But I now stand at a place where I'm trying to incorporate my identity, my personality, my character into these commissions. The Bible doesn't talk about what classes to take in college. It doesn't talk about how long you should be dating, or engaged, or when you should get married. It doesn't talk about how to bake a pretty cake. It doesn't talk about wanting to learn how to take beautiful photographs.

I know, I know. These things aren't significant in light of Jesus and what He's done for us.

But aren't they?

I'm not saying they should take higher priority than our faith. Just that there was a purpose in God creating me this way. Maybe if I were a post on a blog, the title could be "Christian," and the tags would be little things that aren't singularly unique to me, but as a combination make me different from every other post.

I guess this whole thing has been a statement about how I know and believe that our highest calling is an eternal one. BUT, there are more dimensions to us than our faith, and they're important too. I just don't know where to put them in line with those few things that I know I should be.

I feel like that blank box when you first start a post. What's going in it? How long will it be? Who will read it? Who will enjoy it? Who won't enjoy it? What will make it unlike the others? Will it have made a difference in the end?

Teacherly thoughts

It's 9:52 p.m. and I'm about to go to sleep. Ah, the life of a teacher.

Did you know that every time I go back to school after a long break, I get a sense of fear and excitement? I start to dread going back almost half way into break, but as the day draws nearer, that dread slowly fades into curiosity. What have my students been doing? And then, that curiosity evolves into excitement. I can't believe that I'm so blessed to make 150 or so new friends a year. And everyday, I get a chance to sit down with these new little (peculiar and amusing) souls and share my life with them. Invigorating...and a little terrifying.

For some of them, I'm the only reflection of Jesus they see. That's the part that instills fear in me. I better do this job right...I better be a good and bright light...I better bring that saltiness to the table!...or....or...

That thought, in turn, drives my motives and actions. That's the reason I must go to sleep in exactly one minute.

All to Jesus, I surrender...all to Him, I freely give.

May we all shine brightly tomorrow, through our words, actions, thoughts, and attitudes.

wah wah wah

I'm not much of a fan of resolutions. If I were to be asked why, I would probably throw out some response about how "everyday is an opportunity to live with the mindset of change and self-improvement", or something fanciful like that, with the expectation after to bask in compliments regarding my cleverness and refreshing take on life. Some crap like that.  

This year however, I will admit, I bought into the hype. In my mind, the new year was an opportunity to start over again, a tangible starting point from whence I can start my new life of being the best person I can be. So when I found myself struggling with my laziness, anger and impatience, and letting them get the best of me, I was bummed to have "ruined" such an opportunity to start anew. 

Stupid, huh.

The feeling that I get that time o' the year when "Auld Lang Syne" is played should be a feeling I get everyday, simply because the second I believed in Christ as my savior is the second something new began in my life. Something that gives us a hope, a drive to look at EACH day as an opportunity to be more Christlike, looking not at the scenery around or the milestones we have passed, but at the stretch that lies ahead, be it cloudy or bright. Redemption means that every second of every day is an opportunity to throw off what lies behind, that we may be able to better run towards what lies ahead. 

Christ already has done the work on the cross! He is our hope, our inspiration to see every part of every day as something new and exciting, no matter how much we think we are undeserving. 

Geez, I wish my life made as much sense to me daily as it seems to when I sit down and write.

NANASHI

I’ve been feeling particularly introverted this winter break. It’s probably because I’ve been thinking, over thinking, and not praying, over praying. My mind has been acting bipolar – up and down, this way and that way – pondering thoughts about life, the future, media and God within (or not as within as it should be) it all. And do I have any definitive conclusions? Any amazing epiphanies about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? No, definitely not. My mind is a smorgasbord of intersecting, parallel and individual trains of thought and I can’t seem to fit everything together. Therefore, in an attempt to understand myself and glean any God-given gems of thought from my brain, I will try to find order in this madness by writing out my thoughts in digital blog form. Its almost therapeutic!Because of my good friends Benjamin Button and Makoto Shinkai (the writer/director responsible for the image above), a good amount of my free time has been used self-reflexively pondering the nature of our lives. Life is in spurts, some longer than others, some happening the way you expect and some not, some impactful, some not as much, but all…interesting and God-willed. There are a jillion people out there in the world, all with different problems, situations, emotional states, and dreams, and maybe you only know of a thousand of them. You laughed with some, you played on a team with some, you are related to some, you went to church with some – and at this moment you have a different relationship with each individual person you have ever known. It’s always awkward to run into that person you once knew a long time ago because sometime or another you have gone on different paths in life. So many people, but as of now you know so little of them. And at one time or another you may be reunited with some and separated from others for a time or…forever? You, them and everyone moves on. Therefore, there isn’t much use in being nostalgic. At some time in the future you will move on from the people you know now and all you will have is how they (or God through them) have changed you during that part of your life. People die (especially if you’re Mr. Button) and people change – including yourself. It’s sad but you aren’t the same as you were back then so you won’t have the relationships you had back then ever again. “Don’t wish for the impossible because you will only get hurt.”
So do I just forget the past and live in the present but fixate on the future? Maybe. Why is it that certain people are in your life only for a specific amount of time? Is it “fate,” “a force of nature” or some deeper unconscious within your own self that determines what happens? I find that most people are existentialist and hedonists; their goal in life is to create for themselves happiness and pleasure. Wow, that’s almost selfish. When one tries to understand life it seems so obscure, so intangible, so blurry. I can put definitions on the inner workings of the mind and consider every transcendental thought theory out there, but in the end it doesn’t capture the complexity of reality. There must be more. Life can’t be just random entropy…guided by…something?
And at this point I remember. Yes. God. God. God. He brings order to chaos and understanding to confusion. He gives tangibility to the intangible and makes life more than just happenstances. It is submission to His hand and His will that quells my ADD mind. Its liberating when you realize that your life – with all its regrets and “what ifs” – is of great concern to the most powerful (and most humble) being/human/Spirit ever.
Good to know. But descending from the clouds of theory and understanding and stepping foot into reality is slightly more difficult. I’m a film studies major and English minor. I’m a realist (ISTP) but at the same time I am a dreamer who believes in the power of God to change people’s lives. More and more I believe in the ability to communicate through film art. I’m easily fascinated by good stories, relatable characters and beautiful images. I love films (or animes haha) with depth, purpose and meaning. When I watch something I want to be challenged in my life or my perceptions; I want to think, to reflect, to view or value or consider things differently than before. I want to be communicated more than just the superficial images, and resultantly that has become my goal in my own work. Create for me a complete world with relatable emotional nuances and hidden commentary and more likely than not I’ll enjoy it.
It’s interesting that although many of the films I love are made by a secular industry they seemingly condone Christian ideals and biblical principles. Krzysztof Kieslowski’s “Trois Couleurs Trilogy,” which is comprised of the films Trois Couleurs: Bleu, Trois Couleurs: Blanc and Trois Couleurs: Rouge (pictured above), were made to bring attention to the ideas represented in the French flag – respectively – liberty, equality and fraternity. Many other impactful films such as Umberto D., The Killing Fields and Blood Diamond were made to bring social awareness to the neglected and unfortunate. And in countless other films human emotions are brought to the forefront in order to garner a greater respect for and further understanding of life, humanity and the people around us. However, in all these films, no matter how esteemed they are, they do not mention a motivation for the “goodness” that is uplifted. And once again the same old explanations come up: “it may be ‘fate,’ ‘conscience,’ ‘love’ or an ethereal ‘force’ that drives the good within humanity.” And ultimately these films promote ideals established by “something-that-can’t-quite-be-pinpointed” rather than our Savoir, Jesus Christ.
As for myself I like to make social realism art films with a hint of the eternal. A lofty goal but my goal nonetheless. I want to steer people towards Christ with my films. Films already encourage people to lead a morally good and meaningful life, so why not point people towards the reason for it all – JESUS. Easily said, but not easily realized and practiced. How am I going to make money? What am I going to do after I graduate? The film industry is particularly secular and particularly adverse to Christian “conservatism.” I really don’t know. I’m worried but that act alone contradicts my aforementioned realizations. Yes, God. Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding, your life is in His trustworthy hands. Don’t think, pray.
So let’s wrap this up, tie it all together and put it in God’s hands.
Humanity is lost. Life is indeed full of comings and goings, meetings and departures. But what is its purpose? Is there anything to live for beyond what can be grasped with my own hand? In Masaaki Yuasa and Robin Nishi’s film Mind Game (a very strange experimental hallucinogenic art film – pictured above), the main character cries out in desperation when they are trapped in a whale’s stomach:

“Cos there’s so much out there, so many different people, living different lives – incredibly good guys, bad guys! Folks completely different from us! It's one huge melting pot! See, it's not about success, dying in the streets, who’s better, who's not! I just want to be part of it! I realize that even if I've no connections, no talent, even if I'm one big loser, I want to use my hands and feet to think and move, to shape my own life!”

In a situation strikingly (or purposefully?) similar to Jonah, the characters turn to themselves, to humanity, rather than to God – the shaper and creator of all things. The majority of people believe that our existence is created solely by our own hands; people create their own meaning in life, and the majority of the time that meaning is aligned with monetary success, pleasure and happiness. It’s sad but true. Furthermore, numerous other films (many of which I look up to) perpetuate this idea and others. Your life is determined by your own actions. True love and happiness is your purpose in life. Fate and destiny will put you where you need to be. Be kind and understanding to everyone because you never know what people are going through. How we treat one another will determine the state of humankind. All humans need love, hope and relationship. These ideas encourage and motivate us; they cause a tingle in our heart and spark enduring thoughts in our minds. But why? Because every one of these themes, in one way or another, have the fingerprint of God. Our purpose in life is to become more like Christ and lead others to know Him. If we submit to Him, He is the One who will determine our lives. God is love, Jesus is our hope and happiness is found in doing God’s work and seeing people grow in their relationship with God. In order to be like Christ we love those who are difficult to love because that is how God loves us. And by getting people to know Jesus humanity is unified and the problems of this world are solved. Hmm, it seems that the reason films influence us is because they glorify blurred and partial guises of the implications of Christianity. After all, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17).

So that’s my vision – to put God wholly into films. Christian ideals have always taken a backseat in secular films, but I hope to use film as a gateway for people to realize Jesus. And in doing so I will solidify God, not ourselves or some other “entity,” as the driving force of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Oh, what's in a name...

Last week, I saw this blog for the first time. A few days ago, I returned to it. Today's the first day I was able to write in it.

Why? I had difficulty registering for an account.

It wasn't so much the technology (although a few of you could probably attest to my shallow...but growing...understanding of all things digital). It was that line after the registration asked for your email address and password: display name.

I don't know why it was so hard. I couldn't come up with a display name a week ago or a few days ago. I thought long and hard about this one (stupid) simple step over and over again.

I'm a thinker, so therefore, I overthought. (And yes, I know that overthink, much less overthought, is not a real word!) I went way beyond the bounds of creativity and overwhelmed myself to the point of closing the registration screen twice!

I know, I know. Pathetic.

Today, I just knew I had to do it. When I came home, I had a flashback and saw Crystal standing at my front door, laptop in hand, declaring, "I brought my laptop, so I could help you sign onto the blog!"

So after signing onto my gmail account, I resolutely gchatted everyone I could and asked them for help in creating my display name!

I know. Pathetic, once again!

I came to the conclusion, after being overwhelmed by everyone else's creativity, that I was too pooped to apply yet another name to myself. At this point in my life, I better be proud of who I am and the name I'm called. So, the conclusion: my display name is what everyone calls me.

I like how it sounds. I like how people say it (most of the time). And I'm glad that I'm not tired of responding to it (although I am hard of hearing at times -- sorry). There's a lot in a name, and at 26, I'm glad I don't have to make up a new one.

Yea, I'm pretty happy with it.

A Grand New Year of Love

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!

After a loaded morning at work, a strange afternoon, and "Mamma Mia!"... I didn't attend the prayer at Church thing... but God showed me a lot, nonetheless... I didn't go to the mountains today to reflect and think... but God let me breathe a lot today... and so, with all this breathing... I was pondering... and thinking... and then I wrote this.

Q: How would you end the cycles of hate? 

I watched the movie “The Kingdom” and I tip my hat to it. Not only did I cringe and duck my head a few times, but I also squirmed in my seat knowing that it was possible for such things to occur. I’m not that big of a weeper, birthday cards won’t bring tears to my eyes, Christmas cards are a different story, but the point is, it takes some effort to make me cry because I’m touched, and “The Kingdom” did it for me.

The story starts and ends with a terrorist attack. In the beginning, Arab terrorists kill innocent men, women, and children. In the end, American F.B.I. agents kill an old man and a young boy. Naturally, in the eyes of two different perspectives, the story is different, but the emotions are real. The never-ending war between America and the Middle East is beginning and unfolding on wide and full screen.

With such a set up, it is difficult to believe that this cycle will stop. Think about it, although in the eyes of Americans, what the terrorists have done and are doing is wrong and hurting us, in the eyes of those in the Middle East, how are the Americans different? Yes, they all carry guns, bombs, and torpedoes that can shoot through cars and buildings, killing many at a time. And, naturally, there is hate being fostered and grown in the hearts of the youth who are told to burden the responsibility of revenge for their country… but that’s happening on both sides.

And so, I turned to the Bible for my answers and there it was. “Faith, hope, and love.”

We need to have FAITH that all is according to God’s will and not ours. We need to put our trust and lives in the hands of our Maker, and we must HOPE for a better and brighter tomorrow. It may not happen in the way we want it to, but it will in the way God wants it to. “Let God be true.” And loving your enemies is a common misunderstood commandment. I’ve heard the words of Jesus misinterpreted many, many times. When a friend is hurt, I’ve heard them quote, “Do unto others the way they do unto you” and I would sit there and scratch my head, confused at such an interpretation. The Bible teaches us to treat others the way you want to be treated, so does that mean if someone blows up my lands and steal my cattle, I will do the same to them?

No. In all ways, shine God’s light brightly in all your actions, words, and ways. Let the world see what is and should be, not what they hope to twist things into. So even should terrorists continue to bomb my homeland and steal my brothers and sisters’ lives… I will stay pray to the One I have FAITH in that He will bless their family and friends, and I will HOPE they will see what is right and turn from the false gods… and yes, I will LOVE them as I would my brothers and sisters, as friends and family.

Yes, there we go…

A: With LOVE. 

A little thing I got from a musical

The long awaited date to watch the widely acclaimed musical, “Wicked,” finally came. I remember almost exactly a year ago, a couple of friends from HOC planned to go watch “Wicked,” and I intended on going along with them. However, due to some unforeseen events, I was unable to go. Now that has all changed, I finally get to seize the opportunity to watch the musical with Tiffany Chai and others. I’m sure most of you know that green plus Tiffany Chai equals bunches of squeals and giggles.
As I entered the Pantages Theater, I was planning to admire the architect of the building and the decorations; sadly, I wasn't able to. We were a bit late and we couldn’t miss one second of the musical. As the entire ceiling lights began to pulsate to notify the audience that the play is about to begin, all of us rushed into the theater and made it just in time for the beginning of the first act.
 
“You know what? I have changed, and to show my dedication I will change my name from Galinda to Glenda!”
 
To inform the people that forgotten about the musical or those who have not seen the musical at all, one of the main characters decides to turn over a new leaf. Galinda (I hope I spelled it right) decides to change her name and start afresh on doing good deeds and helping others. The audience laughed awhile the other characters in the play stared at her awkwardly. As if changing your name will make a difference to your stupidity and the forces of fate for your life. Fiyero will forever be with Elphaba and there is nothing you can do about! Er-hm, I lost myself a bit there.

Revelation 2:17
            “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” 
 
I just came back from HOC’s First Service retreat, “Second Nature,” and Pastor Rand Cho preached about getting in tune to the “Second Nature,” or Christ’s nature, in our lives. The White Stone represents an invitation in Jewish traditional weddings. The invitation of a white stone is given to each person with his or her name carved on the stone, and the people who attend the wedding will enter by showing the white stone as a valid certificate. Another representation of the white stone was used in ancient times of a court ruling system. The white stone represents innocent and the black stone represents guilty to the person under trial.
 
God emphasizes a huge importance on names. In fact, one of the Ten Commandments does not allow anyone to misuse His very own name. The whole principle of names is to refer to the person’s identity. The name represents the perception of the individual. One of the kids that came to the retreat, named Junming, was acting weird to say the least. (I can write another entire blog about this little bundle of blessing, but I’ll save your sore eyes from making this blog even longer.) I view him as if he was my very own little brother and I care for him very dearly. However, one annoy thing he does is to greet you consecutively in every 10 minute intervals.
 
“How was your day? What is your name again? How are you doing?”
 
At first, it was very admirable, but it slowly began to be very pestering. Throughout the retreat he began to give names to each person, especially the leaders. Andy became Ally. Dennis became Dentist, and Chester became Chesthair. It was a great laugh, but names refer to one’s identity. And there is only so far you can go with name calling, and to say the least, the punishment was justly served. Haha!
 
If you just skipped reading this whole blog, the main point is this:
Once we are saved in our Lord’s name, He will give us a new name. Why, you ask? Why not our own old name? Why not keep the same name?
 
It is because our old name falls short of God’s glory. Our old name is insufficient to meet the threshold of God’s perfect standard. The perfect God sees the imperfection and gives you a “new name”
 
Let us rejoice, for we are shown innocent in trial, and we are cordially invited to His wedding, your wedding, my wedding, the unification of the Groom and the bride.
He has altered the fate of our lives of deserving punishment, and given us new names and eternal life
"The beauty of Grace is that it makes life not fair."
 
Oh yeah, Happy New Years Lux Mundi!