Expect me not, Love me more

Greetings, friends and family of bloggers worldwide. I have suffered and ventured forth from the lands of pain to bring you this message after careful thought and processed terminology. So it is here that I will expel my deep thoughts and inner turmoil.

For a long time, I had issues dealing with myself and other people. It was always the same circles being spun, webs of torture and circular reasoning that brought me, continuously, down the same path of destruction. And it is now that I see with eyes anew and mind refreshed. Yes, I suffered from feeling as though my expectations were, repeatedly, unmet and, with each time, my walls grew higher and higher until I had created a firm and even divide between those who loved me and my heart.

I willingly stepped into a heavily guarded and padded fortress so as to guarantee myself no or as little as possible pain from life, love, and other mysteries. I wanted to create a "safe space" where I could meditate and get to know God more on my terms. And God, being the Ultimate lover of all time, complied to my selfish desires and allowed me my time in my keep. And then a verse spoke old words that carried new meaning to my heart.

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved." (John 3:17)

From the beginning of time, God knew mankind would be selfish in all things, wanting to make the world appease their selfish needs and greeds, and all He had on His mind was us; me.

Everything He ever expected, hoped, of me was always to make me better. And yet, my life was never about Him. My life served to make me better, and in the eyes of the world, it was rightly so. But choosing to turn my life to serving Him and others was the first step to fulfilling some of the expectations placed on me, a born-again Christian in the fallen world. 

So, with spirit renewed, I turn from my ways of sinfulness and single-mindedness to a life of purity and God-mindedness. And the first step to doing so is to look away from myself and step down from the slightly raised mound I've placed myself on. In the words of Henry (a very good brother), "Your expectations shouldn't make others feel like you're looking down on them, but reveal what high hopes you wish for them to achieve, to build them up." 

So, dear members of the Body; the Stand Magazine, please accept this formal apology on my behalf. When I started writing for the magazine, it was all about how the magazine could improve my writing, how I would gain exposure, and how many people I could impact with my writing. And whenever my articles didn't make the print, I would feel a bitterness and unforgiveness towards the magazine. Even on this blog. I felt sad because I felt as though I were the only one posting. As if I had to prove myself, to this blog, of my worthiness to be a writer in the magazine. All of which was spurred on my the high expectations I had of this magazine. But I promise to only work to uplift and encourage writers, staff, editors, photographers, and readers of the magazine. And to encourage through love and edification. =)

Thank you for reading my post. And it's okay if you don't comment or reply. So long as it is here for your reading when you find time, then that is enough. Also, here is the most recent clip I've made to tie up some loose ends... =) enjoy!